Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Sarakastic the Benevolent

Lately I've been using my sarcasm for good instead of evil. I make up stories about people in my brain to make them look better instead of just excusing them as the jerks that they probably are. For instance:

There is one bus driver who never puts up her name plate. I think this is because she's bad at her job and she knows it. Nameless bus driver can't get complaints if no one knows how to report her. She yells at the passengers to the point that they flip her off. Most of the time I'll just skip her bus and wait for the next one. Now I'm pretending that she made her name plate into a raft for an injured squirrel so he could visit his ailing grandmother downstream.

I make money writing web content for other people. I can't say my favorite made up words and I have to stick to subjects and styles that I don't necessarily like. I try to be good at my job, but grammar isn't my thing, sarcasm is. Every once in awhile the editors will get in a group and just rip my work apart. It happens to everyone in the business, but I take it personally because I know that I am hiding how awesome I am just to make money. I've decided it's because I'm so beloved that hundreds of people fight in an office wearing armor made from Styrofoam coffee cups to decide who can be my editor. They are so tired by the time that one of them is crowned the victor, with the ninja kicks and what not, that of course they are a little bit terse. Then they leave me comments like "Your writing needs less gee gaws" (On a non-benevolent side note I don't know what a gee gaw is, but I'm blaming it for the noise my car makes.)

Of course, with all of this good will it means I can be more evil. Ya know, balance and what not. So I've been spending my day telling foreign tourists that it's very bad manners "in American" to snap gum. It probably isn't, Americans probably invented gum smacking, but it annoys me.


Britt said...

Editing nazis would get to me too. Keep your head up! You know who you are :)

heidikins said...

I feel that your Benevolent title could use a little tweaking. Evil genius has a much better ring to it. ;o)


Allie said...

I avoid one bus driver in my town too. Because I had an argument with him once and now I'm embarrassed :)

LEstes65 said...

I love you. And appreciate your writing style. And I would battle to be your editor. And I wouldn't NEED no stinking styrofoam armor!!! I WOULD BEAT THEM ALL!!!! And I would be a kindly editor. And I would let you write entire entries where every single sentence begins with the word AND.

Barrie said...

I think you should play a trick on the bus driver when he yells at someone (like squirting disappearing ink on him). Then blog about it.

Alyssa Goodnight said...

I don't know what a gee-gaw is either. Perhaps it's a made-up term and what the editor is trying to say--in code--is that you need MORE sarcasm.