It's taken me years of practice to perfect being sarcastic. It's been years of hearing comebacks like "Whatever" & "I know you are but what I am", & thinking "there has to be a better way". So with all of this work, why would I divulge a way to become instantly sarcastic in any situation? Because I am a giver. In fact, I am so focused on giving, I'm not even going to obsess about the fact that I just started a sentence with because.
Anyways, back to "the secret". I'm not talking about the book/dvd/philosophy of life because does that really sound like something that I'd read? Well I'll clue you in, it isn't. I'm talking about "the secret" to being sarcastic without getting into trouble. This is fantastic at work or any other situation where you need to be discreet in your sarcasm. Anytime where you are feeling like Michel from "Gilmore Girls" when he says, "People are particularly stupid today, I cannot talk to any more of them", use this. Simply put air quotes around words that shouldn't have air quotes around them. This will leave the person wondering what you mean, & thinking that it's something sinister. For instance,
Hi John, how "are" you today? This could mean virtually anything, but when John gets offended just say, you can truthfully say "What I didn't do anything?"
Now try it with some variation.
Hi "John", how are you today?
This implies that you suspect John of having an assumed identity or being a fake person.
For advanced users, try putting air quotes around the word "the".