Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The Secret

It's taken me years of practice to perfect being sarcastic. It's been years of hearing comebacks like "Whatever" & "I know you are but what I am", & thinking "there has to be a better way". So with all of this work, why would I divulge a way to become instantly sarcastic in any situation? Because I am a giver. In fact, I am so focused on giving, I'm not even going to obsess about the fact that I just started a sentence with because.

Anyways, back to "the secret". I'm not talking about the book/dvd/philosophy of life because does that really sound like something that I'd read? Well I'll clue you in, it isn't. I'm talking about "the secret" to being sarcastic without getting into trouble. This is fantastic at work or any other situation where you need to be discreet in your sarcasm. Anytime where you are feeling like Michel from "Gilmore Girls" when he says, "People are particularly stupid today, I cannot talk to any more of them", use this. Simply put air quotes around words that shouldn't have air quotes around them. This will leave the person wondering what you mean, & thinking that it's something sinister. For instance,

Hi John, how "are" you today? This could mean virtually anything, but when John gets offended just say, you can truthfully say "What I didn't do anything?"

Now try it with some variation.

Hi "John", how are you today?

This implies that you suspect John of having an assumed identity or being a fake person.

For advanced users, try putting air quotes around the word "the".

6 comments:

Trish Ryan said...

Heee...that's brilliant. You are so generous to share your secrets :)

I learned from my Dad that you can get away with SO much if you say it with a big friendly smile. I've seen him kick people out of our house in a way that makes them feel like the recipient of some special award (the "would you like to see the driveway?" award, but still...) it's a an art form.

Virginia said...

I like the assumed identity implication...I'm going to try it when I address my boss as "boss". I wonder how that'll go over...

Hee...

ellesappelle said...

Oh, Sara - that is one useful blog post.

:D You're "hilarious".

Beth said...

Ha! I love it! Can't wait to try it out.

GaUtAm sHaRmA said...

some hilarious stuff in here, you seem to be a pro in devious sarcasm

anywayz, liked your post :)

LEstes65 said...

Hmmmm...I work from home so I'm wondering how to implement this over the phone. But I definitely plan to use this new tool. You rock. Obviously, I am studying at the feet of the master.