Saturday, September 01, 2007

He's just not that into you...because he's an idiot

The book "He's just not that into you" should really come with a warning label along the lines of: "Finish reading this book in one sitting or you will be tempted to kick everything male you see in the shin". First off, I find it intensely annoying to be called "hot stuff" by an author who can't see me, & who is married. Secondly, I find it excruciating to hear "He's just not that into you" 4,000 times. Lastly, I hate that he's just so right.

Yes, I've always expected that men are generally all the same. However, I don't want to hear that from an author, especially one who is male. I don't want it to be true. I realized that even I make excuses for guys. I want whatever guy I'm infatuated with to be different. I want him to really have dropped his cell phone into the toilet & that's the reason that he's not calling me.

I've had many conversations that remind me of "You've Got Male", where Meg Ryan & her friends decide that the reason she was stood up was because the guy was the rooftop killer. Hence the need for the repetition of "He's just not that into you" 4,000 times. I think the most profound part of the book was something along the lines, "Maybe he really is into you. Maybe he really does love you & he's just really bad at it". All of my relationships then shifted from, "I can change him & prove that I'm good enough for him" to, "Maybe he does love me, this isn't some game I'm trying to win. Maybe he's just really bad at love & I can do better".

I'll reread this book every time something male in my life tries to make excuses. It's hard to admit that he's just not that into me. It would be much easier to handle if the phrase were "He's just not that into you...because he's an idiot". He probably is.

Technorati : , , , ,


LEstes65 said...

I wish I had been able to be truthful with myself long long ago. My partner of 16 yrs (10 of which were married) was clearly just not that into me. I made 16 yrs worth of excuses. Fortunately, God blessed my efforts with two gorgeous sons and some very fun years. Unfortunately, no matter how wonderful you are, if he's just not that into you, that won't change.

Hard won lesson. I will never settle again. Never.

Trish Ryan said...

WHERE was this book when I needed it? I could have saved me the grotesque heartache that was my 20s, when I kept thinking, "If I'm the problem...then I'm the solution!" Ugh. If anyone had had the courage to say "Face it, Trish...he's just not that into you!" I would have been furious...but probably free of a lot of embarrassing memoires, too.

The happier upside of "he's just not that into you" is that it only takes one guy to be THE ONE. And THE ONE will be into you. Any guy who isn't, just isn't THE ONE. It was less painful when I started looking at it that way.

Stacy said...

I've always wondered what the point of that book was (having never read it). Now I know: A reminder that men suck.

ellesappelle said...

Definitely because he's an idiot. :)

~Virginia~ said...

I like your variation of the phrase better! :) I'd forgotten about that scene with Meg Ryan! Hee...the rooftop killer. :)

When you're filled with a moment of creative brilliance (wait a minute...this is Sara I'm talking to...she's always filled with creative brilliance)--drop by my blog and leave me a suggestion or two on my little project. I know I can count on you for something truly great! :)