Dear Keebler elves,
I usually go for frosted animal crackers in my cookie purchases. Today I decided that I was 25 & it was time to stop making food purchases based on the fact that they were pink. I looked through the cookie aisle in search of a new obsession. You have the commercials with the happy elves running around. Plus, you even have cookies in the shape of elves which means that I can ponder things like, "The only good man is a cookie".
Then my eyes fell upon the new keebler cheesecake cookie. It looked quite healthy surrounded by all of the chocolate wafers. I was proud of my new grown up healthy cookie shopping eye. I looked at the label. Now, I'm used to you & your industry calling a bite sized candy bar "fun" when it is anything but. A "fun" candy bar would be the size of Montreal. Or the trick of saying that a serving size is three cookies when an average person will eat nine.
Then you took it to a whole new level with your evilness. A serving size is not one small cookie. You made me do math in the grocery store as I figured out that I could eat 3 cheesecakes or a package of your cookies. I indignantly put your cookies back on the shelf because I hate math. I then went to the bakery where one cookie is as big as the tire on my car & they don't have nutritional information on their food items, which is exactly why I go there. Please stop your evil elf misleading cookie information ways.
Sincerely,
Sarakastic
8 comments:
You are a comedic genius. I don't even know if I spelled that right. But I don't care. You ARE one.
Why should being 25 stop you from eating pink cookies?! Embrace your inner little girl. I still buy jellybeans just cos they're colourful.
Again, you make the world a better place. The rest of us thank you. (We'll tell you when we see you in the bakery aisle...it will help distract you so we can grab the last cheesecake :) )
I think elves have a warped sense of portion sizing because they are so small.
Did you recently have a birthday?
Stupid cookies and their stupid nutritional information. I send a scoff in their general direction.
It's so devious of them not to put the nutritional info on bakery items. You always low-ball, thinking you can afford the calories and fat--one's one ginormous cookie, right?, and then you indulge and wonder why you've gained five pounds.
I hope you're happy...there's raspberry lemonade all down my shirt from spitting it out in a fit of laughter! "The only good man is a cookie"! You are fabulous! No wonder you wear a tiara! :)
hahahahaha this is fabulous!! I have always wondered who the hell thought "fun" in candybar means 2 inches?!
They are sneaky with those labels. Not knowing is always the best way. :p
Post a Comment