Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Scene from a grocery store

Dear Keebler elves,

I usually go for frosted animal crackers in my cookie purchases. Today I decided that I was 25 & it was time to stop making food purchases based on the fact that they were pink. I looked through the cookie aisle in search of a new obsession. You have the commercials with the happy elves running around. Plus, you even have cookies in the shape of elves which means that I can ponder things like, "The only good man is a cookie".

Then my eyes fell upon the new keebler cheesecake cookie. It looked quite healthy surrounded by all of the chocolate wafers. I was proud of my new grown up healthy cookie shopping eye. I looked at the label. Now, I'm used to you & your industry calling a bite sized candy bar "fun" when it is anything but. A "fun" candy bar would be the size of Montreal. Or the trick of saying that a serving size is three cookies when an average person will eat nine.

Then you took it to a whole new level with your evilness. A serving size is not one small cookie. You made me do math in the grocery store as I figured out that I could eat 3 cheesecakes or a package of your cookies. I indignantly put your cookies back on the shelf because I hate math. I then went to the bakery where one cookie is as big as the tire on my car & they don't have nutritional information on their food items, which is exactly why I go there. Please stop your evil elf misleading cookie information ways.



LEstes65 said...

You are a comedic genius. I don't even know if I spelled that right. But I don't care. You ARE one.

ellesappelle said...

Why should being 25 stop you from eating pink cookies?! Embrace your inner little girl. I still buy jellybeans just cos they're colourful.

Trish Ryan said...

Again, you make the world a better place. The rest of us thank you. (We'll tell you when we see you in the bakery will help distract you so we can grab the last cheesecake :) )

Stacy said...

I think elves have a warped sense of portion sizing because they are so small.

Did you recently have a birthday?

ukrainiandiva said...

Stupid cookies and their stupid nutritional information. I send a scoff in their general direction.

Alyssa Goodnight said...

It's so devious of them not to put the nutritional info on bakery items. You always low-ball, thinking you can afford the calories and fat--one's one ginormous cookie, right?, and then you indulge and wonder why you've gained five pounds.

~Virginia~ said...

I hope you're happy...there's raspberry lemonade all down my shirt from spitting it out in a fit of laughter! "The only good man is a cookie"! You are fabulous! No wonder you wear a tiara! :)

Amy said...

hahahahaha this is fabulous!! I have always wondered who the hell thought "fun" in candybar means 2 inches?!

They are sneaky with those labels. Not knowing is always the best way. :p