I have always been awesome, you have always been junk. Lately, it's gotten worse, I have spam e-mail, some disturbing unsolicited text messages & every once in awhile my fax machine rings at 5:30am with an offer to fly to Florida for $99. Today though, you crossed the line.
It used to be I'd get pretty envelopes or post cards from all ya'll. Here's a credit card Sara. You can put a picture of your dog on it to distract you from the fact that it has a 25% interest rate after six months. Look at the pretty puppy, he's so cute. Here's some car insurance at a super low rate because it doesn't cover anything but there's a convertible on the page. Look it's shiny.
I've been trying to ignore the fact that last year, I moved a box. I am now longer in your desired 18-24 demographic. I am now in the undesirable 25+ who gives a crap about you demographic.
The junk mail though, it shows how you really feel. Today I got my very first offer for life insurance. The letter was devoid of cute pictures, or even old people happily waving from a beach. It basically said "You will die & your family will have to sell your dog to pay for your funeral because you suck."
I'm all for financial planning & letting my family know that when I go I want a casket with airbrushed flames on it. I also want the word awesome to be used at least 65 times in my eulogy, or any derivative like Sara exemplified awesomosity or was wicked awesome. However, the junk mail today was a little harsh, rude awakening party of Sara.
24 to 25 (soon to be 26) should not be such a leap. I'll have you know, junk mail people, that I buy more crap now than I ever have. In fact, I buy deodorant & toothpaste based on the color of the packaging, so they will all match inside the drawer & look cute. If it has sparkles it gets extra points. I know I'm not a grown up because when I was a kid I knew that when I was a grown up I would have a coat rack, & I don't own a coat rack, so back off.
Loves glitter toothpaste