Monday, June 08, 2009

Life Tally

I just moved into my very first grown up apartment, no roommates. One of the perks is that I don't have to have this silent argument in my head every week. I have had this conversation with pretty much every one of the thirty roommates I've lived with....most of them several times.

Me: Where did my butter go?
Roommate: Oh, I used it, just take some of my butter.
Me: That is not butter. That is margarine. It tastes like chemical sweat. I pay three times as much for butter because it is yummy.
Roommate: It's exactly the same but I'll buy you some more.
Me: There's four boxes of margarine in the fridge, why didn't you just use one of those?
Roommate: Yours tastes better.

Days Later

Roommate: I bought you some butter.
Me: This is margarine.

Then I go and buy actual butter which people use before I ever get to it while they shove crates of margarine in the back of the fridge. Even so, I miss all of the stuff that roommates have around them. Here is a tally of everything I own:

4 knives, 3 spoons, 0 forks, eating a salad is interesting

0 sofas. 0 ways to get sofas. 0 ways to afford sofas. 0 sofas that I find comfortable. 0 sofas that can make it up the staircase.

1 uncomfortable free standing hammock that I bought to replace the sofa. Awesome idea that I still stand behind but I own the only hammock in the world that is actually painful to use.

4 throw pillows to go on a sofa that I do not now or will I ever possess.

0 roommates to steal my boyfriend, if I had a boyfriend, which I don't. If I did, I'm the only person in this apartment who can steal him.


Allie said...

In our flat, it's the chocolate buttons that disappear. They're meant to be flat property for baking only, but SOMEONE always eats them straight from the packet. Oh, and someone keeps using my fancy olive oil. :)

Britt said...

Agreed - margarine is gross. And I think the hammock was a great idea. Too bad it sucks. What about a futon? or a squishy chair? In my 2nd year of university before we had a couch we sat in blow up chairs for $5 from the dollar store. :)

Stacy said...

Congrats on your apartment. I too am in need of a sofa. Happy hunting!

Anna said...


I can't wait to never have a roomate again.

LEstes65 said...

I would give you my sofa. But I live in Texas. So I'm thinking the logistics might be problematic.

I don't think I could ever go back to roommates. Once, I came back from being gone for about a week. I was poor and starving and couldn't wait to have some cream of wheat. I opened the cupboard to find the cream of wheat box there but empty. I could write a book about that particular roommate and all of the money he owes us other three roommates.

My current housemates eat ALL the food I buy. I pay for EVERYthing. I swear they hardly ever lift a finger around here. Oh sure they're all, "But mom, we're only 5 and 8. We're just kids!" and I'm all, "What EVER! GET A JOB!!!"

Oh wait...

Miss Chevious said...

i once had 7 other roommates. we each had our own labeled cabinets because we were paranoid like that. :)

i LOVED my first on-my-own apartment. loved loved loved it.

as for the butter, maybe you should do what one of our faculty members does in the office. she leaves her butter out. sitting in a cabinet. for months on end. trust me, nobody touches that thing.

then again she's also the faculty member who doesn't wash her hands after going to the bathroom so she may not be the best person to model yourself after... :)

Barrie said...

I had a roommate who always ate my WHITE ALBACORE tuna in WATER and replaced it with LIGHT tuna in OIL!

Barrie said...

Oh, and congrats on getting your own apartment!

JenKneeBee said...

Congratulations on getting your own place! And I totally agree about the margerine/butter thing. Baking with margerine can only lead to heartache :)

Alyssa Goodnight said...

I feel like I should send you some forks. Are you gonna be okay without one??? Sending good wishes for a comfortable seating arrangement. :)

Rochelle said...

Hilarious and sad all rolled into one! :( I hope you're able to find a comfy sofa, er hammock, soon! :)

Congrats on the no-roomie, no-butter-fights thing!