Monday, June 15, 2009

Social Situations I'm not Equipped for

I really haven't felt this socially inept since I found out that pirate pants were back in fashion.

My new apartment has a balcony. This seems great, romantic even. I'm afraid to go out there. The balcony doesn't have the terrific view of the other half of the place. Oh no, it's on the other side. The one over the parking lot. The conundrum is this: When sitting on a balcony are you expected to say hello to people underneath you? Everyone in the parking lot looks at me and then we pretend not to notice each other. If ever asked I'm sticking to my story that they all look like tiny ants from the second floor.

I am convinced that on every bus, train, subway, and shuttle in the universe, there is the same guy. He's a rather large fellow who declines to sit down. Instead he'll come and stand right next to me and put both arms over his head to hold onto the rail. Then he will proceed to flirt with a seventeen year old who gushes over the attention from a thirty eight year old. I always wonder if I'm the only person tempted to yell "Stop! Just stop it!"

This is why I stick with books. I am reading my first Kurt Vonnegut called Timequake. It might be a good book but I just can't focus because as far as I can tell it's printed on velvet. It's the softest paper I've ever felt in my life. The inside of the book says it's acid free paper. I can see why paper without acid would feel better. I'm obsessed with it and can't track down why this paper has so much awesomeisity.* Also I bought the book used and it had a receipt from it's original purchase in 1999. The reader only got to page 48. They also bookmarked the pages with a love letter. I love finding old letters in books.

*The spellchecker always catches awesomeosity. Somehow I didn't notice the change to awesomeisity which would probably be my roller derby name if I could rollerskate.


Allie said...

Sigh, I had no idea what I was missing out on, but now I absolutely wish I had ever found an old letter in someone's book.

Britt said...

people are strange. When people refuse to sit down it makes me nervous. Don't know why. :)

I don't think I've ever found a love letter in a book but I think I may need to buy more second hand books in order to find one!

ruby said...

I think you should ignore the people beneath you...otherwise you're setting yourself up for alot of small talk and that's going to have to be repeated everytime you see them.
And the old dude who flirts with teenage girls? EW!

Alyssa Goodnight said...

I sense that roller derby might be your sport. You just need to get over that first hump (learning to rollerskate) before you can start using those elbows. :) There's a humorous Psych episode in which roller-derbying plays a big part.

I've never found a love letter--was it a good one?

Miss Chevious said...

sigh. i miss my balcony. my 1st apt. was on the 2nd floor and (luckily) faced a brick wall. i used to turn up my radio/CD player (which i'm sure my neighbors appreciated) and dance/lip sync on the balcony. good times!

Barrie said...

I think you should get to know all the people in your parking lot, then tell us about them.

Anna said...

I'm adding that book to my list. I hate making small talk with people. I would much rather look down and pretend to be busy.

LEstes65 said...

Paragraph1: I think you make the protocol. For me, it would depend on my mood. I tend to say hi to everyone. All the time. I like to make a mental list of who friendliness freaks out and who reciprocates.

Paragraph2: No you are NOT the only one.

Paragraph3: Books & headphones were my defense on the Boston subways. Sometimes I would just wear headphones with the cord going into my courier bag - just so I could look like I was focused on a song and could, therefore, ignore everyone. Books, you just bury your nose in one and ignore that 38 yr old gross guy.

* Awesomeosity is in the urban dictionary. They should pay us royalties. (