I watched Portia De Rossi talk about her eating disorder and her continuing struggle with extreme self loathing on both Ellen and Oprah. She's like textbook perfect. I thought "wow, if she doesn't feel beautiful what hope is there for anyone else?" Then I went to get my hair cut.
As far as my own body image goes, I don't know that I ever feel beautiful or sexy, but I don't not either. If I'm in a dressing room and something doesn't fit I think "Stupid shirt, that's right I'm blaming you". So I didn't think I had any huge body hang ups. I really love my approach to I buy clothes that I like, then I wear them. I buy makeup I like then I put it on. Then I just move on with my life and it's not something I really think about that much.
So my big hang up is my face shape. I've always felt that I have an unusually strong jaw for a woman. I have a heart shaped face and have always envied little pixie faces like Audrey Hepburn. Utah girls tend to flat iron their hair...a lot. This is something that roommates and friends always try to get me to do and then when it's finally completed even they can't deny that my head looks huge. Plus, it's not something that is easy to change. No amount of diet or exercise or plastic surgery can really rearrange it. "Hi, I would like my face to be smaller".
So I was at a new hair dresser and she kept going on and on about how she loves oval faces. Oval faces can wear every haircut. I was sitting there thinking "How rude of her to keep talking about oval faces in front of my obvious heart shaped face." I finally said something like "Yeah, I've always wanted an oval face". She argued that I had one. I argued back. Then I kept remembering vaguely that when I sit in a chair every hair dresser talks about oval faces. All these years I've taken it as an insult and a justification that I am somehow irregular. I've imagined hairdresser meetings where lots were drawn for who would have to cut the heart shaped hair. Maybe, just maybe, it's just the stupid flat iron's fault.
So this is my new mantra. The word sad can be exchanged with blah, or irregularly face shaped.
"When I feel sick, I stop being sick, and be awesome instead... True story!"
-Barney Stinson "How I Met Your Mother"