Monday, August 15, 2011

Rude Things Not Said By Me

I don't know why it is ok for the general public to just tell me this, but it's not ok for me to say whatever sarcastic thing I'd like to say. Since I've started living on my own, everyone young, old, polite, rude, has the same reaction. I seriously have this conversation 5 or 6 times a month. They say something like this, and no I'm not exaggerating or reading into it. It is not implied, or tip toed around. It is just the thing they say:

"What happens if you die, there will be no one to find the body".

So, if I ever I start getting close to someone I remember that Gilmore Girls line "There will be someone there to call the morgue".

Since I plan on living forever, this is not a huge concern for me, and if I'm saying it's a rude thing to say then you know it's bad.

It just got me wondering if that's all relationships are to some people, someone will be there to call the morgue. I guess that's why I'm still single, I could have that, but that's not what I want. I mean it's a nice sentiment and all but I want a life with someone, not just a life in the general vicinity of someone.

To me the much more concerning thing about living alone is the inability to eat an avocado. I love them, they are my favorite food. However, I never buy them unless I have house guests. You see an avocado has approximately a zagillion grams of fat in it, so I only eat half. However, there is absolutely no way to save half an avocado, even over night, even if you go in the cooking room and make it into another food through magic. It will always brown and taste slimy and gross. It's wrong to throw away half of an avocado before it's rotten and looking at the bad half makes me sad that I ate it to begin with. The Future Farmers of America haven't returned my letters requesting the invention of half of an avocado. Someday there will be avocados.


Stacy said...

In all my years of living alone, no one has ever said there will be no one to find my body. You must know very special people. Please keep them away from Michigan.

I actually do finish avocados. I just put the other half on a plate cut side down and refrigerate it. It's fine the next day.

But if someone can invent a mini avocado, that would be awesome.

Allie said...

Oh wow. I am with Stacy on the "special" people part. Agreed - BAD bad reason to decide to live with someone 4 EVA.

There is so much awesome in this post.

heidikins said...

So, if you leave the pit in the cut half of an avocado and then cover it with plastic wrap (or put the whole thing in a tupperware), it won't turn brown. Now you can have avocados and no roommates all at the same time!! :)

You're welcome.


Shonquinta said...

LOL it's a shame how people love to project their worries and fears onto other people whom they presume to gullible and vulnerable. You are one tough cookie, so you don't fall for it :)

Alyssa Goodnight said...

I agree on the avocado front...leave the pit in, wrap the leftover half tightly in that Press & Seal stuff (or clingwrap if you don't have that). Then, if there's a bit of brown, just slice that off. I'm grossed out by the brown too, but this works quite nicely.

I can't imagine people saying that to you. Although, when my boys were young and my husband had to go out of town, I worried that something could happen to me and no one would know. And my husband would come home to two befuddled children.