Go Eat Makeup

Because....

Because I can’t tell their mothers; I'm choosing to tell the internet. Keep in mind this all happened today, on the same 20 mile stretch of road.

I was blissfully in the middle of town with two lanes of traffic but we were going along pretty fast; at least 45. Then the car in front of me threw a can out his driver's side window; into traffic; not to the curb. The cars behind me stopped quickly enough that I was also able to stop; while trying not to duck knowing it wouldn't help my car to do so. The buggy and I are both safe.

Now because I live in a delightful and peaceful small town my insults and comebacks aren't what they used to be. All I could think of to say was "I'm a pacifist I can't do crap"; as well as "That person needs a Zen garden. It would really help lower their blood pressure too".

Incident #2: I was going four miles over the speed limit like I always do because someone told me once that a cop pulls you over at five miles over not four. Doubt this is true but I've never been pulled over. A big truck came up behind me out of nowhere easily going 25-30 over. I was close to a car in front of me going exactly the speed limit so I slowed down; slightly relieved that it wasn't my fault that this mad man couldn't go so fast. We continued on this way for exactly a block. The car in front of me pulled over at the next available spot to let us pass even though they were going the speed limit.

I continued going the speed limit and waved my hand politely since I know the road well and know that this is the guy's one chance to pass so he can go super fast. He flipped me off as he passed. Then he pulled over onto the side of the road to kick up dirt for the next block, like it was so dusty I couldn’t see and didn't know if I was about to get in a rumble...FOR GOING THE SPEED LIMIT. He turned off the road, well the side of the road, a block later. He could've sat there politely and obeyed the law for one block, but why do that?

To you sir, I say what I saw on an e-card a few weeks ago "You should go eat makeup so you'll be pretty on the inside".

The First Quarter of Awesome

Here's just a quick check in on how my year of the awesome is going thus far. I've been pretty busy at work so most of the awesome things I've tried have been inspired by Pinterest. Ironically signing up for a Pinterest account isn't something I've actually done yet.

1. I tried to de-oxidize the headlights of my car using toothpaste. It did not work but at least now I know that it does not work.

2. I spent about a week wishing that it was 1950 simply for the gas stations. Then I felt like a horrible feminist. I had to put air in the tires of my car and not only was I clueless about how to do this; so was everyone else. If it was 1950 it never would've been a problem. Now I know how to do that which feels awesome.

3. I made fries out of avocados to alleviate the problem I have of only being able to eat half an avocado. I thought the texture was going to be the one "off" thing about this. However, when I finished the recipe I remembered that I don't like the bitter taste that avocados take on when baked.

 Awesome Things Left to Do: Since I work from home every day is casual Friday. However, I want to implement "dress up like you're from the 1950's" Friday. If only I had a dress with a large circumference.

I'm redoing my bathroom decor as part of my 30th birthday present to myself. I need some artwork to go in there that is well...awesome. This is where I’m open to suggestions and need help. I have absolutely no artwork up in my apartment because I'm not really an IKEA print girl. Everything just seems so soulless and lifeless to me. On the other hand I'm very adamant that whatever I pick out actually not have a soul or be haunted. I refuse to budge on that point.

What awesome stuff have you done lately?

Dear Shirts,

I'm not buying any more of you until you shape up. It's bad enough that everything has an elasticized peasant bottom or drop waist. Yippee, finally women everywhere can look more like Santa.

My big problem is with the arms. I don't know exactly what a dolman sleeve is but I do know that it probably means "What happens when every fashion designer in America accidentally turns in drawings from their 5 year old." That is exactly how a kid draws a shirt, with no armpits. For years, I've had to worry that there's a gap between low rise jeans and tee shirts. Then it was the scoop necks that could possibly be low on top. I expect this but now I also have to worry about lifting my arm at all because the sleeves are wide enough to see through to everything else. I have never heard a woman say "Geeze I wish my upper arms and chest were more connect-y".

Sincerely,

Sarakastic