Interview with the minions

If you don't know about the minions yet, you obviously aren't hanging out in the cool corner of the blogosphere. The minions & Stacy were gracious enough to interview me. I was expecting a lot of questions like "Why don't you have minions?" (Answer, I'm not responsible enough. I would make them do my evil bidding all day long & then they would get cranky & usurp. We all know how much I hate usurping). This is the result of the interview.

From Boris:
1. The creator of Gilmore Girls has noticed your devotion to the show and has decided your wisdom is needed in planning/writing future seasons of the show. She (or he?) has asked you to write a handbook (or decree, if you prefer to call it that) for the show’s writers. What would you demand of the Gilmore Girls writers?

I prefer to call it a manifesto. First off, we need to bring back Adam Brody, if only so he can date me. Yes, he had a minor part, & his love interest is now married to someone else, but he's Adam Brody! Thankfully that whole "OC" thing is over. Here is his picture so you know what I'm talking about. I understand if you don't read further in the interview because you are mesmerized by him, it happens to the best of us.



Next, Mrs. Kim, the lovable Christian Korean health nut who makes eggless egg salad should appear in every other episode.

Seasons 5-7 are dead to me, in varying degrees. The only way to save the show is to have Rory & Lorelai walk down the street & be hit by an anvil, though not flattened. They simply realize, "Hey we've been stupid lately, we should stop that." An anvil of truth if you will.

Lastly, I was shocked the first time I saw Amy Sherman-Palladino who was the writer/producer/director/creator of "Gilmore Girls". I was expecting someone upbeat & happy, not someone completely clad in black velvet, & always wearing a hat. No one can write like her, not even her husband Daniel. Whenever he wrote an episode it stuck out like a sore thumb. A few people have tried, rather miserably to write the show since she left. I think what is missing is the hat, maybe it's magical, maybe it isn't, but every writer must wear a black velvet hat at all times, preferably of the magical variety.

From Stacy:
2. Anna Wintour, infamous editor of Vogue, is about to spread the word that tiaras are the must-have accessory for summer ’07. Ms. Wintour is a little unclear on a few tiara-related matters: Can everyone pull off a tiara (regardless of age, sex, economic class, or beauty)? Does a tiara go with everything or is it strictly for formal wear? Does one have to wear orange star-shaped sunglasses with a tiara? Naturally, she consults you for guidance. What advice would you give her?



Tiara etiquette is simple. Tiaras are for the wicked awesome. Only the wicked awesome will correctly know when & how to wear a tiara. Wearing a tiara in a grocery store with jeans & a t-shirt & a perfectly straight face is an art form & should not be attempted by the common person, or as I like to call them, wicked awesome deficient people. How do you know you are wicked awesome? If you have to ask, you probably aren't.



From Mikhail:
3. When you take over Canada, what will be the first changes you make and why?

I don't know if being Canadian, or a Princess gives me the power to control the weather, but I think some combination of the two should somehow align the universe. Canada is just too cold. However, if I put She-Ra in as one of my vice presidents I'm sure she would be able to work something out. (Each vice president has control of only one thing, such as the Vice President in charge of deli meats. Enough power to be useful, but not enough to usurp. It's a fine balance).

From Vasily:
4. Will you be my date for the Ukrainian-American Heritage Ball, and if so, what flowers are your favorites?

I think that's the day I was going to take over Canada, otherwise I really would, honest. Don't call me, I'll...just don't call me.

From Ivan:
5. You’ve traveled through time to meet the man who invented pantyhose (and you’ve taken me along because I enjoy violence). What happens then?

The conversation would go as follows: "Hello Mr. inventor man, what do you have there? We are from the future & have brought starburst jellybeans as a peace offering. Do you really think it's wise to invent something that not even wikipedia can pretend to know exactly why we have them? Wouldn't your time be better spent trying to cure an illness, or at least concentrate on bringing the satisfying flavor of starburst jellybeans to the good people of Earth a few years sooner, or devise a way that they aren't only sold between the months of March & July? Humanity needs you, focus Mr. Inventor man, focus.