Tuesday, June 03, 2008

To the class of 2008

As you embark into the future, hyped up with all of the graduation speeches about how "The future starts today" I can't help but think "I was the class of 2000 & we were better. We had special t-shirts" What they should say is "You'll probably turn out just like us & that's ok." So class of 2008, as a member of the class of 2000 I would like to impart to you my wisdom.

  • There will be many college professors usually in the field of sociology who look perfectly normal & have many letters after their names. These people will tell you that communism will solve all of the problems of this whole democracy/republic thing we have going & everyone else will just smile & nod their heads & talk about how they are enlightened. Communism has never worked. It will never work. EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER. Feel free to use that last line in some sort of term paper. People are greedy & petty & that's why we all need our own choices & our own stuff.
  • If you are ever out of milk for your cereal, you can just melt ice cream & pour it on top. It is tasty, & part of a well balanced breakfast.
  • At some point you will wise up to the fact that the people who are graduating before you are not making the salary that the college quoted you. Around this time you will hear lots of stories about how so & so dropped out of college & went into the real world, sold vitamins & now drives a Porsche. These same people will tell you that it's not a pyramid scheme. Its multi level marketing. I have drawn an expert illustration, actually an entire series of illustrations to demonstrate my point:


7 comments:

~Virginia~ said...

like ANY flavor ice cream? how about the reverse? like pouring your cereal onto the ice cream instead of melting it? cause i'm not sure how i feel about "thick" milk. :)

ellesappelle said...

Sara, this is why I love you. Thank you for your advice. I will keep it in mind constantly! (I especially liked the Communism part. Unfortunately it's hard for historians to get away with saying that Communism works but i still loved it.)

a little bird said...

haha, I love it. Ramen noodles are not part of a well balanced diet, and going down to Guatemala (insert another 3rd world country here) to start a revolution does not count as a viable five year plan. Oh, and the Vagina Monologues does not substitute for culture.

JenKneeBee said...

You always crack me up. I love when people talk about their cool "non-pyramid schemes" and try to convince you to join up. So ridiculous.

Natasha said...

That was so funny, I actually think I should take a college class just so I can right the term paper with your classic ending! I dont know how I went through 5 years in college & missed taking a Communism class...

The Class of 2k8 said...

If you run out of milk, you can melt ice cream on cereal? The things I learn from you!! (I've used orange juice in place of milk. But this is nothing compared to ice cream!)

LEstes65 said...

You are too funny. I won't even impart the "wisdom" from my class of 1983 mind.

You are wise beyond your years.