Tuesday, April 07, 2009

I don't know how to put this politely...

I was in Kohls, which is my sanctuary in the city. They have these short shopping carts which means that people are less likely to run into me, or intentionally ram into me. This keeps me from having to repeat in my head over & over "Do not throw things do not throw things." I do not like the city, so I need a sanctuary there.

Whenever I see someone dressed up in a costume, like the big key outside umm whatever bank that uses a key as a symbol, I get a little depressed. This is especially true of the man in a chicken suit who was advertising a tax service. If you can make the connection between the two please let me know. They have to have those foam smiles & googly eyes to help cover up the fact that whoever is in that suit at that moment just freaking hates life.

So I was in Kohls, grateful that I wasn't in Toys R Us which always smells like urine or pneumonia or some weird combo of the two. I heard this baby crying, fine I don't hate kids, babies cry. I looked over to see the mother and give her a polite smile like "I'm totally not annoyed by your kid because I realize someday I may procreate & my kids will act possessed because of the Sarakasticness." The mom did not smile back. She did not even seem to notice that her baby was crying. Ok, again I'm not judging because I'm sure that I'm going to be the world's worst mother in the very very very far off future. The stroller had a blanket over it, so no sight of the crying child. I was wandering my way through the store, but this cry just kept following me. Plus, it didn't ever halt, not even for a breath & was very monotone. I'm serious, 40 minutes of monotone crying, not a hiccup, not a pause, not a glance from the mother.

I can only assume this is because the child is some kind of robot. I kept looking at the mom to see if she was one of those students in human development who has to carry around one of those baby dolls. I don't know how to say this politely but I'm pretty sure your kid is a robot. Also, it might need new batteries. Sorry to be the one to break the news.

6 comments:

Allie said...

The poor parent. To have a robot for a child.
(Or possibly the poor child???)

Trish Ryan said...

Poor everyone. Maybe I'll change my thoughts on this when I have kids, but for now I think that if you're doing non-emergency shopping and your child wails for more than three minutes, it's time to abandon your cart and go home.

But I never considered the robot theory...

Alyssa Goodnight said...

I think I had a robot baby once upon a time. But like Pinocchio, he morphed into a real-live boy! I'm so pleased!

Stacy said...

She should have gone to Target. I'm pretty sure Kohl's doesn't sell batteries.

Barrie said...

I hope she's using rechargeable batteries. To save on cost, that is.

~Virginia~ said...

do you have a kohl's card? you know they let you charge to your KC without having it with you? they just look up your account. very simple.

i spend way too much time there.