Monday, July 19, 2010

Not My Finest Moments

In my effort for composure I feel like today life said "huh can you handle this, what about this?" For instance:

The day started out, well the night actually, with a dream about a guy throwing bombs at me...not grenades, bombs. This is what my nephew would refer to as bad manners. Like video game bombs that explode on impact but luckily I stealthily dodged them all which was a good analogy for what the day would hold.

I got locked out of my apartment in 100 degree weather even though I had a key. The deadbolt was stuck and apparently I need to start lifting weights to get into my house.

In hundred degree weather (109 to be exact) I have two looks, one when people will see me and one for when people won't. The later is a stay at home look which includes one pair of board shorts from 1994. It's made of an extremely light weight fabric from Old Navy that I have actually been on the hunt for to replicate to no avail. I've probably bought 7 or 8 pairs in hopes of overthrowing this pair with no luck. Today I sat down and my knee ripped a 10 inch hole just because the fabric was so worn, and not at a seam.

I just saw the hugest non tarantula spider in the world, in my apartment. My only guess was that it came in when I triumphantly got my door opened. There may have been a flourish, like a door opening spider welcoming flourish. It took 20 minutes and a deep emotional struggle as to whether it was ok to kill spiders if they were really gross and too scary to put in a glass and take outside. At one point, channeling Lorelai Gilmore I just had it underneath a cup and thought I'd just leave it there until someone showed up. Spider spray, a dvd case, and a dust pan could not hurt this thing. Screaming also didn't help. So in really my only pair of weather suitable tattered pants and an apartment smelling of non effective but highly fragrant spider spray I'm glad that no one is here to see this, although blogging about it really defeats that.

All in all Dear Life, I kick you with my ninja skills. -Sarakastic


Stacy said...

Was the spider willing to pay half the rent?

Alyssa Goodnight said...

I feel the same way about roaches. But I totally crush them and then cringe as I have to pick them up in a paper if they might come back from the utter trouncing I've given them.

Sorry about the board shorts. :)

Allie said...

My commiserations about the shorts - I grieve the loss of good clothes.