So the wonderful and amazing Trish wrote this about failure today and it was perfect timing because I’m actually planning on epic failure tonight on a first date well not failure as much as the exact opposite of what I usually do and it may actually fail. I know my optimism is overwhelming. I almost called this one off just because it was actually looking like a good date but I have decided to persevere.
I am good at bad dates, I am amazing at them. I've decided that in fact bad dates are the most fun because you don't have to worry. You know how there's usually one person who just is the most awkward thing on the planet and then they don't understand why you don't approve? Well in my defense I always wait for the other person to take the weird role or at least call someone else "super fat", yes an actual phrase that has been used and no not by me. Then I just enjoy how awkward something can be if that makes sense. I have to confess that I've always wanted to be the really awkward one so I could:
Go out and buy 5,000 porcelain dolls and give them all names and then recite each one of their names to my date.
Start tearing the salad into smaller pieces at the table because really tossed salad should be bite size. It's one of the most awkward foods in the world and easily remedied if people just tore the pieces smaller.
Ask to borrow his laptop and then spend 3 hour organizing bookmarks in folders of varying degrees of awesomeness.
Pick up my cell phone and yell at people loudly in a business like voice every 2 minutes.
sit down at the table and refuse to say one word the entire time.
Granted, none of those things have ever happened but on my really bad dates I wish I was brave enough to try them because why do the psychos get to have all the fun? I really don’t know what to do on a good date. I’m going to have to practice not having a grimace on my face. Oh please, let it be bad so I can try the salad thing.