Wednesday, October 05, 2011

More Utah Tales

Dear Dentist,

I started suspecting that maybe you and I weren't going to be best friends when you declared that the fillings in my mouth are old and that apparently fillings only last for 10-15 years, so mine would have to be replaced soon even though they are in functioning order....because they are old. I suspected that maybe this wasn't a thing, but I was at least going to go home and look it up first. (Seriously, has anyone heard this from a dentist ever?)

Then you asked how old I was. Then you loudly declared in shock and disbelief "You're 29 and you don't have kids?" Everyone knows that first you are supposed to hound me about marriage. Your options for this as far as I can tell are "Aren't you afraid you're going to die in your apartment alone?" as well as "You should go get married". However, instead just jumping straight to the fact that I haven't procreated yet is overkill. It's not how things are done.

My one solace is that this question isn't supposed to start until after I'm married. I knew a woman who got so sick of this question that a few weeks after her marriage when people would ask "When are you going to have kids?" she'd loudly declare that she was barren, even though she wasn't. Maybe today I shouldn't have smiled and said "No, I don't have kids; and it's wonderful." Cause really all that got was more dental work where I couldn't talk while hearing how children are a blessing. So today Utah, I say the same thing I say to you when I look at the pitiful selection of seafood "At least it's a pretty place to live".


LEstes65 said...

Sounds like SOMEONE needs a good swift kick in the HEAD. I'm available if you'd like to commission me.

Stacy said...

You are a saint for not turning the drill on him. Seriously.

Do you want me to set my spinster attack cats on him (or her)? They haven't mauled anyone in a while and will welcome a new job.

Allie said...

Oh my word. I echo Stacy. You are a saint.

I have a friend who was approached by someone who said "Oh my goodness are you pregnant???" (She wasn't.) She replied, "I was but I had a miscarriage and now I can never conceive again." Mean, but it taught that woman a lesson.

I too hate how dentists have so much power over conversation simply because they wield a drill.

Heidi said...

What the? What kind of dentist do you have!? I'd have spit on him. You know, on purpose, and not because he put my lower jaw to sleep.


Trish Ryan said...

And to think...up until now my fear of dentists has only been about avoiding physical pain. AGH!

I see Stacy & Lynette have commented already...I think this is a clear sign we will need dental conduct edicts in place when we take over whatever country we decided we'd form into a monarchy 5 or so years ago!

S said...

Wow, smh. What a d&#&%#! I never liked Dentists.

Barrie said...

is your dental plan an HMO? I've read and heard of some shady tactics used by dentists to make money from HMO patients. (Although I've never heard of baby questions! Hmmm....did he refer you to a relative who is an OBGYN???!! ;))